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August 09 2017

I haven't always...

I'm pretty sure when I was born the stars haven't aligned for the tragic prophecy 
they just wanted to have some fun and someone had a little too much to drink
the sight becomes foggy with age
there's no one to be blamed for that 

I can't say I was surprised as I entered every pyre myself
hell, the wood came from the tree I planted and watched grow from the smallest of seeds until it was a thousand meters high and ready to be my demise

I think somewhere on the way I agreed with the part
it's just that
- in revenge for thousand years of betrayals -
it's my hair every Samson strokes until it's on fire again

 you put the scissors in my hand I'm not even asleep

it doesn't matter

somehow, someway, throughout the history it's probably fair

I hug the burned tangles close in the middle of the night
They still smell of the pyre
they will grow back

my burned eyes cannot produce tears but they will
it's not the first, not the last time 
I'm half asleep and the wind opens the window
I open my eyes and see the tiniest of seeds laying in wait in my hand
not today, not tomorrow

in a day, in a week, in a month, in a year
I'll plant it again

when I close my eyes, I see the fire
I remember the pain
it's the sweetest of heats

the seed grows into a sapling

in a moment they'll chop the wood for me
he is not a priest but he waits with the sacrificial knife
I think I hear myself laughing so hard my burned lungs can't keep up

what's the point of considering it even for a second when it-
it will grow back.

June 15 2017

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Reposted fromshitsuri shitsuri viaOkruszek Okruszek

June 10 2017


I should have known by the time I laid the universe on the grass in front of you and you said you didn't even understand what the big deal was

I should have

I didn't

I didn't want to know

I didn't want to realize

My mistake is always assuming the best in people

I don't think it's a substantial flaw though

Were you wondering? Were you saying goodbye? I wouldn't know. I shouldn't care. Except it's not even true. Not caring does not make you strong. Not caring is not a virtue. It's a lie designed to make people think better about themselves. 


I need that? Probably not. I don't think bad about myself. I care. I would care for the time coming. That's just how it works.

I'm not ashamed of that 

I should have known by the time you explicitly said you didn't believe in any of the values I can't even separate from my heart and the essence of my being 

I should have known

I felt the literal stab with every smirk you've carelessly thrown

I did

I didn't want to

My mistake Is always assuming it's possible to heal people who don't even wish to be healed 

I don't think it's a substantial flaw

I know it can do nothing but make me miserable over and over again 

Welcome to your tape, I guess.

It's the first one. You earned it, in a way. It's not a good thing. It's not a bad thing. It does mean I care. I don't think it would even be healthy not to.

It's probably not the last one. That's just how I deal with things. I don't think it's wrong. It's just the way. It's probably better than throwing stones at your window. It's probably safer that getting fucked up in someone else's arms. 

It does not mean I don't want to do the latter. 

It does not mean I won't do the latter.

I would, if I knew it'd make me happy, that's for sure. It's not hard. It's probably the easiest thing on earth. It's just not worth it if it doesn't help. Not worth the hassle. Not worth the possibility of hurting someone who wasn't completely honest with themselves about the reason. I think about those things now. I know sometimes it's not even physically possible to separate mind from the burning flesh. 

My flesh is burning already. I can't get anymore burned or scarred right now. I'm scared of leaving the scar on the healthy pink tissue of someone who hasn't been burned before. I guess that's what we call responsibility. I don't like it at all.

The problem is, happiness is not easy. Happiness is not obvious. Happiness is earned. I know I earned it. It's just not the moment to cash the ticket yet.

It will be.

J has a fucking baby and I couldn't care less so I know it's possible.

I just

Wouldn't mind if it didn't take another 2 years, thank you kindly?

I don't have that kind of time. Not anymore.

I can't feel hatred and it took me 26 years to understand that it's not a bad thing either. It makes things harder, for sure. 


It lets me not drown in the pool of self-hate, and for that, I am forever grateful. 

It feels like losing, but you cannot be a loser without winners and no one won. 

Life goes on.

I will cry tonight.

I will open my eyes, look at the sun and laugh tomorrow.

That's just how things work, right? No one to blame for that.

May 28 2017

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Miss this


Reposted fromamatore amatore viaGunToRun GunToRun

May 27 2017

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look at this c10h12n2o tattoo in Sense8.
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Reposted fromAcquaMossa AcquaMossa viamizeria mizeria
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Reposted fromsiegmunda siegmunda viaOkruszek Okruszek
B's boyfriend threatened to call the cops upon seeing her scars
am I surprised? 
those probably looked seriously fucked up. I wouldn't know. I've never seen them healed.
am I though?
probably yes.
you don't do shit like that and say that you had an accident just a few months later because the greatest love of your life cannot accept you for what you actually are
those people?
please, they're kids playing with their toys
I have a couple of those on my own, wouldn't have anyone to call the cops on though, it's hard to press charges on yourself. (probably?)

that was an end of an era
all those years later I can finally say I'm glad it was

I feel like the markings were just appropriate for what they came to symbolize

do I need new ones?

do I regret existing ones?
those on them, no. I'm oddly proud of that.

those on me? no. I did for a while though.

those aren't and never were the markings of violence 
nor of sadness
nor of frustration or despair

I wish

were you scared?
of course not.
that's why.

I wish I could feel this way around someone that isn't me someday

May 07 2017

Księżniczka Niedecyzyjności Po Raz Pierwszy Pokonana Własną Bronią

(wielkimi, bo nagłówek)
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Reposted frommanxx manxx viaOkruszek Okruszek
Lubię ludzi nieśmiałych i wrażliwych. Ludzi którym wstyd uniemożliwia funkcjonowanie. Lubię ludzi smutnych z poczuciem humoru. Lubię tych którzy są wystraszeni. Lubię takich którzy pragną zmienić na lepsze, ale nie wiedzą do końca jak i którędy. Lubię ludzi próbujących pokochać życie, mimo całej świadomości o nim.
Reposted fromMaryiczary Maryiczary viaGunToRun GunToRun

Buildings and Stars Cut into Blackout Curtains Turn Your Windows Into Nighttime Cityscapes

A Ukrainian blind company called HoleRoll shared this fun set of concept blinds that feature iconic cityscapes cut into blackout curtains. The silhouettes of famous skyscrapers become apparent as light streams in through the window. The images were posted back in 2014 and it looks like their website is currently down, so not sure if they’re available anywhere. Could make a fun DYI project? (via Laughing Squid, Reddit)

Reposted fromcuty cuty viaOkruszek Okruszek
Ja mam czas wieczorem, zajmę się tym.

A nie, czekaj. Jednak pętla Interlude; 22 na Spotify, 40 minut patrzenia na pęknięcie tynku w prawym górnym rogu na suficie tak z tyłu po lewej od okna, trzy tony gruzu na ramionach i szaro.
— przespałam burze, jak mogłam to zrobić, pierwsza majowa burza a mi nawet nic sie nie śniło
Reposted fromrawwwr rawwwr viaGunToRun GunToRun
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Reposted fromodrzutowiec odrzutowiec viaOkruszek Okruszek
w sumie prawda, kazda jest inna, normalnie chyba
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who were you?

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Reposted frommelanchujnia melanchujnia viacalineczka calineczka
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beautelicieuse | Edinburgh, United Kingdom. 

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Reposted fromjottos jottos viaOkruszek Okruszek
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